My inner monologue on inner monologues
On January 15, 2018 | 0 Comments | Writing tips |

Recently I received conflicting advice regarding inner monologues, and as a result I’ve engaged in a running inner monologue of my own. I wrote my latest novel, Bridges, in third person from the point of view of the protagonist. Here are two examples of how I originally presented her inner thoughts:

EXAMPLE A

Daphne looked up and saw her reflection in the bookstore window, suddenly feeling foolish in Skylar’s fancy hat. Who was she trying to kid? She wasn’t talented or special, or on the verge of being discovered. She was just a drab, wannabe writer from Ohio.

EXAMPLE B

She’d poured her heart and soul into the novel and flourished as she did so, editing and rewriting for months on end until she had something she knew was good. And for what? To feel like a complete and utter failure? Could she really be such a bad writer that not one agent would take her on?

My developmental editor, with whom I worked closely throughout the revision process, liked the above structure. But when I turned the manuscript over to my copyeditor, she suggested that I change the internal monologue to first person in italics, set apart like this:

EXAMPLE A

Daphne looked up and saw her reflection in the bookstore window, suddenly feeling foolish in Skylar’s fancy hat.

Who am I trying to kid? I’m not talented or special, or on the verge of being discovered. I’m just a drab, wannabe writer from Ohio.

EXAMPLE B

She’d poured her heart and soul into it and flourished as she did so, editing and rewriting for months on end until she had something she knew was good.

And for what? To feel like a complete and utter failure? Could I really be such a bad writer that not one agent will take me on?

The copyeditor argued that this structure brings readers inside Daphne’s head, thus allowing us to feel more connected to her.

Which style do you like better? Which is more effective? I’m honestly not sure. I would love to know what other people think, so please let me know in the comments!

-Maria

 

This blog post originally appeared on CreateSpace.com. Reprinted with permission. © 2018 CreateSpace, a DBA of On-Demand Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.

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